These Quiet Moments

Before having my baby I was asked by a client at work whether I was planning on breast feeding, to which I answered 'Yes, if I can, I will breastfeed', her response 'What do you mean if you can?' Her response resonated with me, the tone in her reply said it all and before my son was even born I began to feel the pressure that many women feel, would I be a bad mother if I was unable to breastfeed?

My son was born with a tongue tie, something that I had never even heard of before Leo. Tongue ties cause some babies to have difficulty attaching to the breast and I was nervous, however we were fortunate Leo was not one of these babies. 

So with no problems latching on, no problems feeding and with me producing enough milk to feed all the babies in the maternity ward Leo became a breastfed baby and I in turn, became a breastfeeding mother. Little did I know that I was entering into something that everyone seems to have an opinion on. 

'Breast is Best', we've all heard it and yes the benefits of breastfeeding are huge, however if breastfeeding is the most socially acceptable way to feed our newborn children why are there still campaigns such as #freethenipple? Why do we need to run campaigns to normalise breastfeeding? Why do we still feel the need to cover up when feeding in public? Why do people feel uncomfortable in the presence of a breastfeeding woman?

Yes there are more and more breastfeeding friendly cafes and facilities but over the handful of times I have fed in public I have been one of the 'lucky ones' to receive a complaint about me feeding my son. I didn't realise that feeding a baby was so offensive, I am not doing it to show off my amazing post baby body or my gorgeous maternity bra I am doing it because most likely my son is inconsolable, I have tried everything else and I know feeding him will calm him down or god forbid he is hungry and this is how I feed him. The sad thing is I have resorted to feeding my baby in the car rather than a 'breastfeeding friendly' cafe because I am more comfortable in the privacy of my own car, I know there will be no one there to complain about me feeding. 

For anyone who has breastfed or tried to breastfeed their child they will know it is not easy. It is a learned skill between the mother and the child and guess what, some children can't do it, some women don't get a giant influx of milk, some women have the horror of cracked bleeding nipples and painful attachment. I have lots of friends who formula feed their babies, most of them expressed for weeks (hats off to them for that), they did everything they could to give their babies the best start in life but for one reason or another feeding didn't work for them. Their babies are just as healthy, just as boisterous and just as gorgeous as my breastfed baby. To those mums who have ever felt guilt because they couldn't breastfeed their baby, don't, no one is going to walk up to our babies when they are at school and say 'yes you were bottle fed and you were breast fed', no one will be able to tell in five years time how we fed our babies when they were three months old. We are all doing the best we can for our babies. 

Everyday I consider myself lucky that I am able to breastfeed. I am lucky that Leo's tongue tie hasn't caused him any trouble with feeding and I am lucky that I haven't had any issues. I must admit there have been moments where I wish I didn't have to breastfeed, days where I haven't left the couch with my baby on and off me all day, draining every last ounce from my body. There have been moments where I was jealous of all those formula mum's who can go out for longer than four hours at a time or get their husbands to do the midnight feed or the early morning feed while they sleep in. Then there are these moments.

Moments when I am feeding and everything is peaceful and quiet. Moments when my son falls asleep clutching onto my top like I am his whole world and no one can seperate us. I know my feeding days are temporary, there will come a time when my son is so big it will be hard to imagine that he ever fit laying across my lap, but for now I am grateful for every moment I get breastfeeding. I know when this is all over I will miss these calm, beautiful moments. 

Bathing baby and Bathroom renovations.

I remember Leo's first bath so clearly. He was two days old and so tiny. His Dad was the one to bathe him, the nurse carefully showing us how to hold his body so he was secure, his little head rested on the forearm, my husband's grip firm but soft around his tiny arm. So scared of dropping our perfect slippery child. 

The first time I bathed Leo I was petrified. I had refused to do it for ages, that was my husband's job and I was not going to do it. I didn't want to drop him, he was always such a wriggler and I didn't know how I would hold onto him without hurting him. After much convincing and knowing my husband was right there to help me if I needed I decided it was time for me to give it a go (Leo would've been about three weeks by this stage). As I carefully lifted him from change table to bath I felt my grasp around his arm tighten, I was so stiff and tense, Leo was so calm and trusting. Leo relaxed into the water and as the bath went on I felt my son's demeanor rubbing off on me. I had watched my husband do this so many times before I knew the routine. One washer on the head, one on the belly. Wash all the creases, in and around the legs, toes, arms and hands, oh and dont forget the neck goop.... The small bits of gunk that form in the folds of a baby's neck. Don't forget behind the ears and be mindful to keep the washers on his belly to keep him warm. 

We bathed Leo in his small baby bath, he loved his small bath. We broke our backs filling and emptying it but the joy on Leo's face when he saw his bath being filled we didn't mind the back pain. As Leo has grown his bath has gone from looking very comfortable to a tight squeeze, we knew it was time for a bathroom renovation. 

Our previous bathroom, although quite new, was small and dingy with a shower and no bath. The whole shower would wobble when you opened the door and the vanity was a ridiculous waste of space. 

So for the last two weeks we have had tradesmen in and out of our house building what we began to call 'Leo's bathroom'. 

Renovations with a baby are hard. Especially when the baby's bedroom is next to the room getting redone. We basically said goodbye to our daytime sleeps in the cot and hello to sleeping whenever and wherever we could. 

We spent our days waiting around for tradesmen to come, the builder, electricians, plumbers, water proofers, plasterers, painters, I never realised how many people it takes for such a little room. There was so much coming and going, so much disruption to Leo's normal routine, I hadn't showered in about five days and I began to think is this even going to be worth it? Then the bath went in and it was beautiful.

From that moment I didn't mind the coming and going of tradies, we managed with the change to our normal routine and it was exciting knowing that they were getting closer to giving us our bathroom and Leo having his first 'big bath'. 

Our bathroom was given to us yesterday (with the exception of a shower screen coming later this week) and I LOVE IT! I would go through the 'toughness' of a reno with baby over and over again if it means getting rooms as beautiful as this one. 

So we can put the baby bath away for good, Leo had his first bath in his new bathroom last night and he thought it was amazing! So much water, so much room, he was loving it, splashing and crawling up and down the bath it was so fun to watch. 

Bath time has changed so much from those first few weeks, no more holding on tight, no more face washers on the belly and good luck catching him for long enough to get all those bits of neck goop out! 

Blog #1: Intro

I am a new mum.. well newish, my son is seven months old tomorrow and I am finally starting to get my head around this whole mum thing. 

Being a mum is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. In my pre-baby life I worked full time, gymed all the time and loved to cook and travel. Now I breastfeed, think of when the next feed is, think of what I can get done between now and the next feed, think of what I can puree for dinner tonight, oh yeah and then there is the laundry, lots and lots of laundry, how is there so much for only three of us? 

As well as being a new mum I am in a new town, we recently moved as my husband is studying full time and we had to move to be closer to the Uni. I have had times where all I have loved being somewhere new and moments where I have wanted to run back to my comfortable old town, to be close to my parents, to be in my home that I loved with it's beautiful ceiling roses and polished boards. 

So every week I'll write a post about my life as a new mum, as I try to figure out what I am doing hopefully I can bring a smile to your face and let you know that you aren't the only one who has gotten home from the supermarket and realised you had just been walking around with a vomit stain all down your back!